So much to say....

So little time.  I admit, I am a few posts behind.  I got a dog, I started work last week, dressed up for halloween, and tonight I watched history unfold before me as the United States elected an African American president.  What can I say, change is amiss.  So what do I write about amidst all of this activity.  Do I write about myself as the world watches this historic moment?  Seems somewhat insignificant in light of the less palatable changes we've seen over the past weeks.  Do I write about my job, as thousands continue to lose theirs everyday.  All I can say is that I'm thankful for the support my law firm has offered me throughout this chaotic time in my life.  Do I write about politics...well, frankly, there are people much better equipped to write about this subject, and my small words would get lost amidst the largess of this moment, so for now, I'll write about halloween.

To be honest, I wasn't looking forward to halloween this year.  As an adult, halloween is about confronting your inhibitions and facing your fears... and for single girls, its about dressing as sexy as you can, because it's the only occasion that allows ladies to put a mask on and dress like a tart.  Well, for me, this year has been about confronting my fears.  For me, sexuality has been redefined, forcing me to allow other parts of me to shine through, and find comfort in allowing people to see the person, rather than the body, the hair or the face.  So when faced with halloween, it seemed unusually empty and inhibiting.  You see, as everyone put their masks on for the evening, to take on the character of somebody else, I longed to take mine off and finally allow people to see myself.  For months I've been applying my makeup, wearing my wigs and hiding my disease.  Well this halloween, as everyone put on their wigs for the night, I decided to take mine off.  I walked out of my door onto the streets of new york with a fuzzy head and no hair to hide my face, and with every stride, I felt beautiful.  And yes, people asked, and the subject came up as I silently shared my secret.  And none of it mattered.  Because the one night where I could have been anyone else... I chose to be me.  I chose to me.

Now since halloween, I have put on my wig and continued to mask the battle wounds.  But as I said at the start, change is in the air, and for the same reason that the United States elected Barak Obama, even with my wig I feel less burdened.  Eventually, I will permanently shed my masks, but in the meantime, I finally feel hope.

Thanks as always for reading.

Straight from the trenches,

DT