Positively Optimistic

Ok, ok, I know... It's been a while, but I have to admit that this week I've been struggling to decide what to write about.  The complete truth is that frankly chemo weeks suck, and every time I sit at my computer to type something out, I seem like a blubbering idiot, or maybe that's just how I look (but I digress).  So this blubbering idiot was trying to figure out how to describe chemo to all of my friends and family without infecting everyone with the blubbering disease, and causing sadness across my network because, if you haven't heard, I'm going to be fine, right?  So for like ten minutes, I decided a funny way to describe how I feel would be to rewrite "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel, and make it a list of chemo symptoms...but as I started to do that I realized that my chemobrain wouldn't really let me focus for so long and frankly, it started sounding kind of gross, so I decided to spare you my creative genius.   So here I am on Sunday night, just writing you guys, and asking you to bear with me.  I promise I have lots of stories to tell.  But for today, I just have to confess that I just don't feel very good.  There I said it.  CHEMO SUCKS (I know, not very poetic). I know I'm supposed to be optimistic and keep a good attitude, but the reality is that with each chemo treatment comes a wave of self-doubt, mood swings and good ol' irrationality as your body decides to join the olympic gymnastics team in its quest for gold without your permission, which sometimes, to be frank, makes you want to hurl your good attitude out the window.  I wish I could say it was different, but the truth is that by the end of the week, your nerves are shot and you're just exhausted.  So it's no surprise when the blubbering idiot makes her grand entrance and starts shaking every tear right out of you.  Now here's the thing.  Just because blubbering idiot has decided to park herself on my sofa and sit there and feel sorry for herself does not mean that all of you have to worry.  You see, my good attitude, which I admit took a bit of a beating today, has climbed back through my window is staring at me right this very minute from across the room, planning its strategy to jump back in (resilient little sucker).  So don't worry about this blubbering idiot.  She's just getting rid of some toxins while her good attitude recoups its energy and stages a comeback.

Thanks as always for reading.

Straight from the trenches,

DT (aka the Blubbering Idiot)